


I Kissed a Boy

by bah0rel



Series: Not Another AU [3]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Gay, Gen, M/M, much gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-17 08:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bah0rel/pseuds/bah0rel
Summary: Sixteen-year-old Jamie Fraser was forced to move from his home in Inverness to Musselburgh, this meant he had to change schools. He despised his parents for this. Yet it all changed when he met John Grey, a boy that caused a lot of confusion for Jamie. Maybe he wasn’t as straight as he thought.Prequel to Anchor to Hold.





	1. I Kissed a Boy Just to Try It

**_August 2010_  
**

 

“Och, come on Jamie! Yer gonna be late for school!” Brian Fraser shouted, storming into his teenage son’s room.

 

“Just five mare minutes, please!” Jamie grumbled, hiding his head under his pillow.

 

Brian shook his head, sighing. Fed up of this daily task, Brian ripped the covers from Jamie, telling him once more to get up. Jamie grumbled, rolling out of his bed, muttering something under his breath about only wanting five more minutes. It was bad enough that it was the first day of school, but this year the first day back was at a totally new school. Brian Fraser had gotten a new job, unfortunately meaning that he had to uproot his family just to take it. The older Fraser Bairns took this fine, both Will and Jenny were away to university, so they didn’t need to uproot as much as the youngest, Jamie. Jamie was only 16. He had friends, a girlfriend and a good wee summer job. But no, his bloody parents had been selfish, taking him away from the life he knew in Inverness. Unable to do much, Jamie just had to suck it up and attend his new school at Musselburgh Grammar.

 

“Ach, I just feel guilty.” Brian murmured, taking a sip of his morning coffee.

 

“Why, love? Ye took this job for the sake of our wee family and ye cannae blame yersel’ for that.” Ellen replied, leaning in to kiss her husband sweetly.

 

“Ughhhhh, really?” Jamie groaned, walking into the kitchen.

 

“Just you wait till ye have a wife, son. Ye’ll want tae kiss her sweetly every chance ye get.” Brian smiled, pulling his wife into another kiss.

 

Jamie rolled eyes, opening the cupboard door to grab the Coco Pops for is breakfast.

 

”Oh, Jamie, can't ye wear yer tie properly? And jeans, really?” Ellen tried to sort out her son's tie, much to his protests.

 

”Muuuuum!” The teenager whined, trying to move away, ”I can dress masel’ and I like the way I've dressed!”

 

Ellen rolled her eyes, holding up her hands as if she were surrendering, ”Okay, okay, son. Just get tae school. Yer gonna be late.”

 

”Am goin’ jeez!” Jamie grumbled, walking towards the front door. ”Bye!”

 

He stormed in the direction of the school, headphones firmly placed in his ears to help with the walk. He had dreaded starting a new school, he didn't want to make new friends. He already had some. Yet he knew in order to survive at this cruel new school, he would need to make new friends.

 

Jamie slowly walked into his first class. Modern Studies. He looked around, a soft gulp sitting in his throat. There weren't many seats available, yet thankfully, he found a free row of seats at the back of the classroom. He took a seat, pulling his headphones out of his ears and grabbing his notebook from his bag. Silently, he wished no one sat next to him. He really wasn't for speaking to people yet. But he could only wish. The class went on and Jamie focussed intently, trying not to attract much attention to himself.

 

For the next three periods, Jamie felt at least semi-happy that nobody had sat next to him. Yet, in his fourth period, someone sat next to him. He supposed it was bound to happen eventually, he couldn't spend the next two years of his school career alone.

 

”Hello, ” the boy next to him smiled, ”I’m John.” An English accent was clear in his voice.

 

”Jamie.” Jamie half-grunted, giving this John a sarcastic wave. He still wasn't in the mood to talk.

 

”Well, someone’s clearly talkative. You're new, aren't you?”

 

”Aye, ” Jamie nodded, ”moved from Inverness during the summer.”

 

John smiled, nodding also. ”I do know what that's like, unfortunately. I moved here from Oxford at the beginning of the year. At least you didn't have to change from GCSE’s to Standard Grades.” He joked.

 

”So you're still new?” Jamie asked, looking at the boy properly.

 

Jamie felt something different when he looked at this John. His heart swelled a little. But he brushed if off, maybe this just meant they were going to be good friends.

 

”Well, yeah. But I, at least, have friends now.” John smiled sweetly and Jamie’s heart did a flip.

 

”Well, it's fourth period and I haven't had the chance to even make friends, John Grey.”

 

”Well, count me as your first friend. Pass me your phone, I'll add my number.”

 

Jamie smiled, shaking his head softly, but still unlocked his phone and handed it to John. John quickly added his number before handing the phone back.

 

”Thanks.” Jamie smiled.

 

The class soon began, Jamie I gently taking notes as he tried to ignore the fact that his heart fluttered every time he caught a glance at this John. He didn't understand why he felt butterflies when looking at him. Jamie was straight. Very straight. He had girlfriends, he really liked girls. So he definitely was not gay.

 

Thankfully, the bell went to signify the end of the period and Jamie quickly stood, gathering his things.

 

”So, ” John smiled at him, ”you coming to lunch with me then? You could hang with my friends. I'm sure you don't want to sit alone now, do you? You might get confused for an overgrown first year if you do.”

 

Jamie nodded, yet, internally he screamed. He was trying to stop the heart flutters before it fluttered from his chest. But still, he needed friends and he supposed that John would do. It could just be that he was happy to have a friend. Thankfully, for the last two periods, John wasn't there, so Jamie had time to breathe without having his chest flutter.

 

Once the day had finished, Jamie had very quickly walked home, desperate to get into his room to hide away from everyone. He prayed that his mum was nowhere to be seen, she would quiz him on his day and that was something that he did not want to talk about.

 

Unlocking the door and running straight up to his room, he breathed a sigh of relief and flipped open his laptop. There were things he needed to google. He sighed and began typing his question, semi worried what google would bring up. But he was far too curious to let it be.

 

“Can you like both boys and girls?” He typed, looking at the results. Jamie looked intently at the Young Stonewall website, he read each definition carefully trying to work out if he fit any of them. After much deliberation, he thought he might be bisexual. But then, he could still just have a man-crush on John, after all he was incredibly attractive, everyone probably has a crush on him. Jamie ran a hand through his hair, beginning to realise that he needs to put this to the test. He googled ‘shirtless men’. His breath did catch in his throat a bit, some of them were absolutely incredible. But testing it again, he googled ‘sexy women’. This too, made his breath catch in his throat. But still he didn’t know. Flicking back to the ‘shirtless men’ tab, Jamie admired more of the photos. God, he was in trouble.

 

[John: Well hello, new boy. You doing anything on Friday after school? A few of us are meeting at mine for a bit and I’d love for you to come.]

 

Jamie felt his heart flutter again.

 

[Jamie Fraser: Yeah, sounds good.]

 

Jamie put his phone away, looking back at google. He had decided to open Facebook. There were a couple of new friend requests, looks like some of the people he hung about with at lunch. He had accepted John’s request during lunchtime, so it was easy just to look at his profile. He needed to do some stalking.

 

Jamie scrolled through John’s profile, trying to find out some more about him. Secretly, he was trying to find out if John would be interested in men in anyway. It was worth a shot. While scrolling, he came across a photo of John shirtless and his breath caught properly in his throat.

 

“Awh, fuck.” Jamie muttered, his crotch had tightened severely. He was definitely fucked. Sighing, he reached for the box of tissues that sat on his desk. He would need to sort himself out before his parents came home.

 

For the next couple of days, Jamie itched for Friday to come. Thankfully, his mum didn’t care about him going to John’s with his new friends so long as he was home for eleven and behaved. Which was swiftly met with “aye, ma, ah always behave!”

 

After his dinner, Jamie kissed his mother’s cheek before running out the door and making his way to John’s house. He was secretly excited to see the inside of John’s house, nobody knew what it held inside.

 

Yet, once he got there, it looked relatively boring. It was a typically middle class looking home. John’s family certainly had money, but clearly not enough to send him to Loretto...

 

The night was fairly uneventful, everyone just seemed to sit and chat about this that and the next thing. But Jamie was just glad to be included. He got to see John and that’s all that mattered.

 

_**November 2010** _

 

John stood in front of his mirror, trying to sort his hair carefully. Since meeting Jamie, he felt the need to impress him. Jamie was clearly straight, but John still felt the need to impress him.

 

John was openly gay with his friends, his family not so much. His mother, step-father and brothers knew and that was about it. He couldn’t bear for the rest of his family to find out, that wasn’t worth thinking about. But they were in England, so he could experiment with anyone he wished up here.

 

[Jamie<3: Leaving the house, will be at the bottom of your road in a bit.]

 

[John Grey: Cool. See you in a bit.]

 

This had been going on for a few weeks. Jamie would meet him at the bottom of his street and they would walk to school together. John loved these moments as they could get to know each other better. However, Jamie was the only one of his friends that didn’t know he was gay. John feared that should Jamie find out, he would stop talking to him.

 

Shaking his head, John grabbed his school bag and left to meet Jamie. His heart fluttered in his chest at the thought of seeing the redheaded Scot.

 

Jamie grinned at the sight of John walking down the street. This was the only reason Jamie was becoming a morning person. John Grey, the most spectacular sight Jamie could see.

 

“Well, good morning, Mr. Fraser,” John grinned, “I expect you’re excited for our day?”

 

“Oh, yes.” Jamie rolled his eyes, “thankfully, it’s Friday so we can finish at twelve and relax.”

 

“Yeah, well, remember that it’s Stuart’s party tonight and you promised you’d go.”

 

“Aye, but I can relax for a wee bit.” Jamie grinned. “Why don’t ye come over for a bit? Play some Xbox?”

 

“Don’t see why not.” John smiled.

 

And that was that. Neither of them could wait for school to finish. Even if it was just as simple as playing Xbox, it still meant time close to each other.

 

They both itched for it to turn twelve, itching to hang out for a bit. Even if they didn’t admit it to each other, they both were desperate to spend as much time together. At this point, anyone looking in at them, would assume they were each other’s best friend. And in a way, they were. But unbeknown to them, they were both craving the other desperately.

 

When the bell rung, they darted out of their respective classes and met each other out the front gates. Chatting away to each other, they were happy just walking casually all the way back to Jamie’s.

 

Ellen and Brian were both out at work, so Jamie had the house to himself. He thanked God for that because maybe, if he could build the confidence, maybe he would make a move on John. By now, he had found out that John was gay, even if John hadn’t mentioned it to him, he knew. At least with his parents out, Jamie could at least talk freely about sexuality. His in particular. Leading John to his room, Jamie rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans. He was nervous. Yeah, John had been in his room before, but Ellen and Brian had always been about. This time, they were alone and Jamie wanted to confess something to John.

 

“I have something to tell you.” They chimed, almost in unison.

 

“You first.” They said again, a nervous smile breaking out on both their faces.

 

“Well,” Jamie blushed, “I’ll go.” He gulped, looking absolutely terrified.

 

John, scared to say anything, moved forward and kissed Jamie. About to move back in fear of rejection, John felt himself be pulled in closer. Before John could do anything else, Jamie’s lips were back on his and they kissed again. This time it was more passionate, arms being wrapped around each other as they both pulled each other closer. Once they finally broke the kiss, Jamie leant his forehead against John’s.

 

“You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that.” Jamie muttered.

 

John grinned, pulling Jamie into a soft peck.

 

“I think I do.”

 

“John, I was so hoping you were intae me. Because, you have caused me a lot of confusion.” Jamie sighed with a smile.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, ah thought ah was straight and then ye looked at me and ye smiled and I dunno, I just-I just felt somethin’.”

 

“Well, I’m glad I have that affect on you.”

 

“Honestly, I had to google some weird shit.” Jamie laughed, “But I definitely confirmed to myself that I like men and women. They both turn me on, I suppose.”

 

John smiled at Jamie. They had moved to sitting on Jamie’s bed by this point, fingers entwined as they spoke.

 

“D-Do I turn you on, Jamie?”

 

“Oh, God, aye.” Jamie smiled breathlessly. “Ye Ken that photo ye have on yer Facebook? The one oh ye shirtless by the pool on holiday or somewhere?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well, I,” Jamie hesitated “well, that really bloody turned me on.” Jamie muttered.

 

John grinned, placing a hand on Jamie’s cheek and kissing him gently.

 

“Well...Do you want to see the real thing?” John grinned, standing up.

 

Jamie looked up at him, his jaw agape. He nodded slowly, still a bit in shock that all this was happening.

 

Calmly, John unbuttoned his shirt, barely breaking eye contact with Jamie. He grinned when he noticed that Jamie still looked nervous. John was, of course, nervous too. He hadn’t ever been this intimate with anyone, but somehow, it felt right with Jamie. Carefully, his slid his school shirt from his arms and he stood there looking at Jamie intently. Jamie stood, running his hands down John’s torso. Both of them felt their breaths hitch. John looked at Jamie, waiting for him to say something. Instead, Jamie just planted another kiss on John’s lips. Feeling alone in the shirtless department, John began to unbutton Jamie’s shirt as the kiss became more passionate. John pushed Jamie’s shirt away from him and broke the kiss to step back and admire him.

 

“Holy fuck,” he smiled, looking up at him.

 

“I know,” Jamie grinned.

 

“Just wow.”

 

The boys laughed, sitting back down on Jamie’s bed. Jamie sat back against his headboard, inviting John to do the same. Once they had both got comfortable, they started talking properly.

 

“So, what would you define what happened?” Jamie asked, nonchalantly.

 

“Well, it certainly wasn’t an exchange between friends now, was it?” John replied.

 

“Well, no.” Jamie laughed.

 

“But I don’t know how to define it just yet. But I just know, I really really like you, Jamie Fraser. And I’m glad I kissed you.”

 

“I’m glad you kissed me too.” Jamie smiled, kissing John once more.

 

As with habit so far, the kiss became more passionate and John moved to straddle Jamie, deepening their encounter more. Both of them felt their cocks harden, but tried to ignore it. They weren’t ready for that just yet. But God, were their jeans becoming uncomfortable. Trying not to break the kiss, the boys wriggled about, freeing themselves of their jeans to become more comfortable. Their half-naked bodies rubbed together.

 

“Oh my God!” Ellen shrieked at the door, causing the boys to split.

 

“Well, fuck.” Jamie closed his eyes. “Mum’s home early.”

 

“Y-you better go see her...” John sighed sadly, knowing he would have to go.

 

Jamie nodded, pulling John into one last sweet kiss before they dressed again.

 

Time to face the music.

__

 

 


	2. And You're Just a Daydream Away

Jamie slowly walked downstairs, scared to face his mum. But unfortunately, he needed to. John was still sat on Jamie’s bed, waiting to be told to leave. 

“M-Ma?” Jamie mumbled softly, looking at his mum. 

Ellen was making her lunch, looking a little bit furious. 

“Ma’ I’m so, so sorry.” Jamie fiddled with his hands, nerves taking over. “I invited John over to play Xbox, I-I didn’t expect this to happen.” 

“James, I’m not angry.” Ellen sighed, putting the butter knife over. “I just don’t know why ye didn’t talk to me about this.” 

“Ah didn’t really know, Ma. Not until today when John was over.” Jamie mumbled. 

“Stop mumbling, Jamie. Talk properly.” Ellen went back to making the sandwiches. “Is John still upstairs?” 

Jamie cleared his throat. “Aye, he is.” 

Ellen nodded, grabbing some more bread to make a third sandwich. 

“So, are ye- are ye gay then?” She asked her son. 

“N-no...” Jamie gulped, moving closer to his mum. “I th-think am bisexual.” He could feel himself starting to cry. “Or it might only be, John, I don’t know, Ma” 

Ellen look at her boy and pulled him in for a cuddle. She held him tightly, stroking the back of his head like she did when he was a wee boy. She could feel herself tear up a little. 

“Och, Jamie, ye should ken ah dinnae care about who ye love. Just as long as yer careful, is all.” 

Jamie nodded, crying a little into his mums shoulder. 

“Dinnae, fash. Yer still my wee boy and I love ye wi’ all my heart, mo gille beag.” 

Ellen pushed Jamie away from her. She cupped Jamie’s face, wiping away his tears for him. 

“I love ye, Jamie Fraser, yer my youngest wee boy. Okay? And if ye want tae be wi’ John, ah have no problem with it and I doubt yer Da’ will either. Okay?” 

Jamie nodded, sniffing a little. 

“Now go back up to John, ye cannae leave him on his own. I’ll bring yer lunch up tae ye.” Ellen smiled. “Just make sure yer decent, okay?” 

“Thanks, Ma’. I love ye too.” 

Ellen smiled, shooing her son back up the stairs. 

Jamie opened his bedroom door and smiled at John. 

“D-Do I have to go?” John looked sad. 

“No,” Jamie shook his head, a soft smile across his lips “Ma doesn’t care.” 

John nodded too, feeling relieved and ever so happy at this. 

“She’s even made ye a sandwich.”

John laughed sweetly, causing Jamie’s heart to flip in his chest. He truly had his work cut out for him if this is what his future was looking like. Jamie sat back down on his bed, carefully intertwining his fingers with John’s. Yeah, this was going to be good. 

Weeks passed, and the pair had only gotten closer. They were out at school, proudly walking the halls holding hands and stealing kisses when they could. Even at home, Jamie and John were both out to their families (John decidedly not wishing to come out to his extremely conservative and homophobic family, understandably). Brian didn’t care too much, just so long as they didn’t get up to any funny business when himself or Ellen were in the house. John’s family held much the same view, they could do what they liked when they were alone in house, but not when there were others present. They understood this completely, but neither had felt quite ready for anything more than night-time spoon sessions and make-out sessions. Jamie, still trying to work out his sexuality, was unsure about anything more than what they had already done. He felt the fear that came with being in a same-sex relationship. Neither boy had ever had a sexual encounter before, so not only were they nervous because they didn’t quite know the ins and outs of gay sex; “thanks, Salmond, yer a fanny!” was common phrase between them when it came to gay education. Both of them had to rely solely on the internet when it came to learning about how to love each other intimately.

One night, during the February Weekend, Jamie sat on his bed, laptop poised open ready for John’s Skype call. Jamie sighed a little to himself, he was still getting used to being with John. They had been together for a solid few months now and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it. He knew John would be calling in a minute, but damn if he wasn’t exhausted. Deciding he didn’t want to wait any longer, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed under his duvet, still waiting for John. Eventually, the well-known Skype ringtone filled the silence in Jamie’s room.

“Hi,” Jamie smiled sleepily, looking at his boyfriend on screen. 

“Hi, sleepyhead,” John smiled back, “I’m not keeping you up am, I?” 

Jamie shook his head, clearly trying to suppress a yawn. He moved to his side, curling into himself as he looked contently at John. 

“Okay,” John smiled, “uhm, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, Jay.” 

Jamie’s brow furrowed, his heart racing and panic set in. Was John going to break up with him? Was he not gay enough for John? Did he do something wrong? He gulped a little. 

“Y-yeah?” His voice croaked, a silent scream of please don’t leave me, yet hidden in the undertones.

“Don’t panic, it’s nothing bad. Well, at least I hope it’s not.” John sighed, looking down, clearly looking nervous at what he was about to say. “Uhm, well, I-I was wondering,” gulp, “i-if, well, if at some point y-you w-wouldn’t mind, uhm, having sex with me…” 

John had trailed off into a mumble, but Jamie caught every word he said. Relief had flown through him, he wasn’t breaking up with him, not at this point. 

“God, I thought you’d never ask.” Jamie smiled sweetly at his boyfriend, “b-but you must know that I’ve never been with anyone, not even my ex-girlfriend. Y-you would be my first, John.” 

“Well, I guess we’re in the same boat,” John gave Jamie a sweet smile, “you’d be my first too.” 

They both grinned at each other, a soft laugh escaping their lips. The subject quickly changed, and they talked until Jamie’s eyes couldn’t stay open anymore. Before hanging up, John admired Jamie as he snored softly. His heart fluttered, and he couldn’t believe he was in a relationship with him. John ended the call once he realised he was probably being a bit creepy by staring at his boyfriend sleeping from the other end of a camera. 

Jamie had woken up early the next day, pulling his laptop onto his lap and opening his search engine. With a long sigh, he began to research how he would have sex with John and precautions he would have to take. It would have been easier if John was a girl, Jamie already knew what to do for that thanks to sex education. But sex education never covered gay-sex. So Jamie was left to search this himself. There were many dodgy sites that he tried to avoid, but sometimes it was difficult. By the end of his research, Jamie felt satisfied he knew what he was doing when it came to finally having sex with John. Thankfully, his elder brother had jokingly bought him condoms for his sixteenth birthday. Despite it almost being a year ago, Jamie still had them, box unopened and hidden at the bottom of his cupboard. Once he had gotten dressed, he quickly grabbed the box of condoms and stuffed a few in his wallet, better to be prepared and it not happen than to not be prepared and it to happen, he thought. 

“Morning, Maw, Paw,” Jamie smiled at his parents, placing a kiss on his mother’s cheek, “I’m away to John’s, I’ve got my phone on me if ye need me.” 

Ellen smiled at her son. Since he had gotten with John, he had become a much nicer teenage boy. He often gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the house. She made a mental note to thank John the next time she saw him, he had such a positive influence on her boy. 

“Okay, son, be careful. I love you.” She pulled him into a cuddle before trying to shoo him away. 

“Mind and get yer wellies before ye go, Jamie! Ah did hear that skype call last night!” Brian teased his son. 

Jamie groaned in reply, sulking out the door. It was embarrassing that his Dad had said that, but at least he knew his Dad was supportive, so there was a silver lining. 

Once he had arrived at John’s front door, Jamie chapped the door, desperately praying that John was home alone. Unfortunately, it was John’s Mum that answered, meaning that there really couldn’t be any sexual business between the pair. 

“Hello, Jamie,” she smiled, welcoming him in and giving him a wee cuddle, “John’s just upstairs in his room.” She said, with a point in the general direction of her son’s room, “and don’t worry, we’re all going out soon.” She gave Jamie a knowing smile, after all, her son had confided in her about his want to sleep with Jamie. 

Jamie flushed a soft red, nodding and clearing his throat. “Th-thank you, uhm, I’ll just go see him now.” 

With that, Jamie quickly went up the stairs to his boyfriend’s bedroom. He quickly came into the room, closing the door carefully. 

“Hey, Jay.” John smiled, standing up from his desk and moving to give Jamie a gentle peck on the lips, and cuddling him close. 

“Hi,” Jamie smiled, a little breathless, “I’m here because ah kinda want tae talk about last nights proposition.” 

“Oh? What about it?” 

“Well,” Jamie started, leading John to his bed and sitting down in the centre, his back to John’s headboard. John sat between Jamie’s legs, leaning in against his chest and letting Jamie hold him, “we need tae talk about h-how we’re gonna dae it. A-and stuff like that.” 

John nodded in agreement, humming to himself. The pair both knew that they had to talk about sex, they had to be completely comfortable with the act and each other before they could even start undressing. They sat there, holding each other, talking about what it meant for them. This was the first time Jamie had ever truly felt as though his feelings were being considered, John was good at that, John made him feel safe and comfortable and he knew the feeling was mutual. John shuffled to cosy into Jamie more, taking in the musk that came with his boyfriend, a smell that began to smell more and more like home with each passing day. Thoughts and feelings were truly out in the open as they continued their talk. By the end of it, they both knew they were ready. They were ready and understood what they were getting into. Thankfully, they hadn’t felt the pressure to sleep with each other. They had taken their time and waited until they were ready for it. On Jamie’s part, he had waited mainly because he was still coming to terms with his sexuality, he didn’t want to sleep with John and then regret it because he might miraculously be straight again. But deep down he knew that wouldn’t happen, he knew John was more than just a man-crush. John was breath-taking and handsome, and Jamie couldn’t resist the feelings that developed with him. 

A soft knock at the door broke the couple from their discussion. 

“Come in!” John replied to the knock, sitting up and placing a cushion over his crotch. All this talk of sex had unfortunately made all the blood rush to his dick. He had to be forgiven for that, he was a teenage boy after all, even the thought of sex made him stand to attention. 

“Hi boys,” John’s mum smiled, popping her head round the door, “we’re all just away out, we’ll be a few hours.” 

“Okay, mum.” John smiled, nodding a little. 

“Be careful and use protection!” She teased before waving and heading out of the room. 

John fell back with a bit of force, groaning a little about what his mum had just said. A soft ‘oof’ escaped Jamie’s lips as the surprise weight of John fell back against him. 

“Why are parents so embarrassing?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jamie exhaled, “my Da’s the same. He told me to wear my wellies just before I left the house.” Jamie grumbled. 

“Wellies? Its not raining is it?” John looked confused. 

Jamie laughed softly, shaking his head. “Wellies are another term for condoms, John.” 

“Oooooooooooh,” John smiled, understanding now, “wait. Do you actually have any b-because I don’t…” 

“Yeah, ah dae. Will jokingly got me some fur ma sixteenth and I never had reason to use them. Until now,” Jamie kissed John carefully, “and I do have some with me... I-If ye wanted take advantage of them…” 

John smiled warmly, nodding against Jamie’s chest. He wriggled to face Jamie, his smile not even faltering. It needed to happen, and it needed to happen soon. John moved again to straddle the other, carefully rubbing against Jamie’s crotch. Jamie’s mouth was agape, his breath caught in his throat at the feeling of John straddling him. Jamie ran his hands up Joh’s back before he pulled him in for a gentle kiss. The kiss did start off slow and gentle, but as they got more and more desperate, the kiss deepened, and they became more passionate, desperate to explore each other. John tugged at Jamie’s shirt, aching to start undressing. Jamie smirked, sitting up and only breaking the kiss for a moment to remove his shirt. John gasped, running his hands up Jamie’s chest. His fingers began to trace Jamie’s torso, his fingers carefully following the soft lines of Jamie’s developing six pack, Thank the Lord for gyms, John thought to himself. Slowly, they undressed each other, taking in the others body properly with every item of clothing removed. Eventually they were sat there, simply just in their boxers. They had seen each other in this state several times, they both knew what they looked like down to the boxers. It was just that simple bit of fabric that separated what they knew and what they could know. Jamie smiled breathlessly at his boyfriend, both were on their knees on John’s bed, half-wishing the other would make the first move to remove that final piece of fabric. Jamie gulped, he took in everything about John. He admired his messy quiff, right down to where he could see the erection in John’s boxers desperately trying to break free. After looking John up and down, Jamie looked down at his own boxers, what was once loose fabric was now a tent. Oh, he needed to fix this. With a gulp, he moved closer to John, a finger grasping onto the waistband on John’s boxers. John’s breath hitched as Jamie’s hand travelled further into his boxers. A loud gasp escaped his lips as Jamie’s hand clasped his dick, Jamie began to stroke him softly. When John couldn’t take it anymore, he moved to remove his boxers. Jamie smiled. 

“About time I saw ye naked.” Jamie stood up from the bed, gently removing John’s boxers from his legs and throwing them atop the pile of their clothes. As John lay on his back, Jamie admired everything about the boy in front of him. 

John sat up, leaning close into Jamie’s torso. Carefully, he kissed down from Jamie’s navel to the waistband of his boxers. Slowly, he peeled the boxers away from Jamie’s erect penis and slid them down. Jamie carefully stepped out of them, flinging them to one side. John, with a bit of hesitation, took Jamie’s dick into his mouth, gently giving him a blow job. Jamie threw his head back in pleasure, enjoying the sensation. After a bit, John pulled back, smiling up at Jamie. Carefully, Jamie pinned John back on the bed kissing him gently. Jamie’s kisses moved down John’s body, repeating the actions that John had given him. Jamie kissed along the length of John’s dick before sucking on it himself. John gulped, the warmth of pleasure flowing through his veins. 

“C-Condom.” John gasped, gently lifting Jamie’s head away from his penis. 

Jamie quickly went to his wallet, grabbing a condom from it.   
“Wh-who wears it?” Jamie gulped. 

“D-do you have more than one? We could take it in turns.” 

Jamie smiled, grabbing a second one from his wallet and passing it over to John. 

They both put their condoms on, carefully looking at each other as they did so. Once they had gotten themselves ready, they smiled sweetly at each other. With a grin, John moved to allow for Jamie to enter him. Jamie hesitantly angled his dick, poised ready to enter John. Once he had entered him, his hips gently rocked back and forth. They were doing this. They were really doing this. Moans filled the room, both enjoying their moment. It hadn’t taken long for Jamie to finish inside of the other, however, John still needed that sweet release. Once Jamie had removed the condom, he moved to allow John the chance to top him and have the release. 

Collapsing next to Jamie, John grinned, pulling the other into a long sweet kiss. 

“Thank you, Jamie. That was,” he exhaled, almost out of breath, “that was actually pretty amazing for a first time.” 

Jamie nodded in agreement, kissing John once more. 

“I think we’re going to need a good supply of condoms. But we’ll maybe add lube next time.” 

John laughed sweetly, nodding a little bit and cuddling close into Jamie’s naked body. 

“I-I lo-, nevermind.” Jamie whispered. 

“I love you,” John whispered back, knowing exactly what Jamie was going to say. 

“I love you too.” Jamie kissed John. 

Both felt on a high. Love certainly was in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheeky chapter for you all! There is a spotify playlist that I have made to go along with this fic! Its "john grey and jamie fraser" - I think it's the only John x Jamie playlist on spotify, so do give it a listen! 
> 
> Just a wee thing to remind everyone that this is a fanfic based in the twenty-first century and is a work that is completely separate to that of Gabaldon's work (despite being inspired by and using her characters). This is a work completely of my own imagination. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	3. I Can't Change, Even If I Tried, Even If I Wanted To

**_ February 2011 _ **

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Jamie.” John grinned, handing Jamie his present.

“It’s not until Monday, John.” Jamie grinned, “but I’ll accept a present anyway.”

John had given Jamie a teddy clad in Fraser tartan, something that clearly meant a lot to the Scot. Jamie felt his heart swell and he pulled John into a long-sweet kiss, he wrapped one arm around John’s waist, and place his free hand around the back of his neck, carefully holding him as he kissed him. They stood kissing passionately for a few minutes before Jamie pulled back and smiled.

“I did get you something,” he moved away and pulled out a box from his wardrobe, “it’s not much. But it’s somethin’.”

“I’m sure it’s amazing.” John carefully took the box and opened it.

Inside the box was a mug with a photo of Jamie and himself on it. John felt himself tear up. The photo was from December, the pair were in matching Christmas jumpers, Jamie had his arms wrapped around John, tickling his sides and kissing John’s cheek. It was John’s favourite photo of them both, he adored it. On the other side of the mug, in rainbow coloured text it read “this is pretty gay”. John grinned, chuckling a little bit at the present. It was a typical Jamie thing to get, but he loved it anyway.

“Oh, Jamie, it’s perfect.” John put it down and kissed his boyfriend again.

Jamie pulled away and sat down on his bed, pulling John to sit next to him, but once John had sat back down, their kissing begun again, both just itching to love each other properly. But they couldn’t, Jamie’s family were downstairs, waiting for them to appear. Jamie run his hand over John’s crotch, forcing the other to gasp and shake his head.

“W-we can’t, Jay, we need to go down stairs.”

Jamie whined, moving his kisses down John’s neck, nipping him a little to form a hickey.

“J-Jamie..” John moaned, “J-Jamie, no, come on we better go downstairs!”

“Do we have to?” Jamie mumbled, making the hickey on John’s neck worse.

“Yes!” John giggled, finally wriggling away from him to inspect his hickey, “cheers, Jamie. It’s blue! Everyone’s going to see it tomorrow at school!”

“And? Ye could always give me one, we could match.” Jamie raised his eyebrows, smirking at the other.

“Funny, Fraser,” John groaned, “I’ve now to go and sit and have dinner with your family, they’ll all see this bloody hickey! Your brother will take the piss!”

Jamie just shrugged, grinning stupidly at the other.

“Come oan, gayboys! Am hungry!” Will shouted up to them from the bottom of the stairs, “and poor Ian is feelin’ replaced! Mind ye canna forget yer best friend once yer in a relationship!”

Jamie groaned loudly, standing up.

“One day, am gonna deck him and he’ll no see it comin’.”

John laughed, reaching up to give Jamie a soft sweet kiss.

Together, they made their way down the stairs. Without much thought, Jamie threw himself down on the sofa, grinning at everyone. John followed in not long after, he had stopped at the hall mirror, desperately trying to hide the hickey Jamie had just given him. Will and Ian wolf whistled when he did eventually come in, Ellen quickly hushed the boys and went over to give John a cuddle.

“Just ignore them, they’re just jealous.”

Jenny rolled her eyes, smirking softly, “I can’t imagine Ian’s jealous, but Will might be.”

Ian sat up straight, shaking his head.

“Jenny!”

Jamie looked confused, looking between his sister and Ian, his brows furrowed a little as he tried to work out what was going on. Suddenly the lightbulb clicked.

“Ian, yer no sleepin’ with my sister are ye?”

Ian flushed red, nodding weakly. This came as a shock to everyone bar Ellen and Brian, they had seen it coming since they were younger.

“Why would ye dae that tae me?” Jamie whined at him.

“Same way ye didnae tell me about yer sexuality until this John came about.” Ian mumbled, giving Jenny a wee glare. She shrugged it off, she wasn’t caring much about it.

“Oi, I telt ye that ma sexuality was surprise to me as well, we can blame John for that.”

Jamie and Ian grinned at each other, laughing a little now the initial shock of Jamie’s best friend sleeping with his sister fading away.

“By the way, all the girls in Inverness are crying over the fact you’ve got a boyfriend. Especially that last girl ye saw, Sophie I think her name was? She was in bits the minute ye put it on facebook.”

“Oh well,” Jamie shrugged, “none of those girls even compare to what ah’ve got with John now.” Jamie smiled sweetly at his boyfriend.

“Well, of course not, none of them have dicks.” Ian grinned, ducking Jamie’s attempt to whack him.

“I’ll have you know, Ian Murray, I still like women. It just so happens that it was John that caught me before any of they Mussy women.”

“Right, boys, enough of this. It’s not something I want my boys talking about in front of me.”

Jamie and Ian quickly shut up, they both knew not to get on the wrong side of Ellen MacKenzie Fraser – it wasn’t worth the sore ears.

The rest of the evening went smoothly, all sitting down to a family dinner, the first they had had in a long time, and the first with John being present with them.

Once dinner had finished, Jamie and John bid goodnight to everyone and snuck up stairs, desperate to feel each other. While they knew they couldn’t exactly do much, the thought of just lying in each other’s arms made them happy and content.

Jamie and John did have quite a sexual relationship, but that certainly didn’t in the road of the romantic-soppy things that they found they were quite good at.

**_ July 2011 _ **

**__ **

[John<3: So you gonna pick me up in that fancy car of yours? ;) xxx]

[Jamie<3: I wouldn’t say it’s fancy, it’s a bloody Y reg Renault clio that’s falling apart, but yes, I’ll come pick u up xxx]

Jamie had passed his driving test very quickly after his parents forked out for an intensive course, thankfully, Jamie was a lot better at driving than his older sister, so he had passed both his theory and practical first time – which caused a lot of bickering between the pair when she came home for the summer. Because his parents had forked out for the intensive, they couldn’t quite afford to pay for a car, so he had his license but no car. Knowing this, he had saved up his Christmas money and birthday money. Unfortunately, this didn’t quite cover the cost of a car, but unexpectedly, his distant grandfather had sent a sum of money down. He did think occasionally, but only ever for big birthday’s and Christmas, never for a birthday like this. While he was shocked, he was grateful, now he could buy himself a car.

Jamie drove round to John’s honking the horn for him to come out, he kept the engine running knowing that John wouldn’t be too long.

“Mm, hello, chauffeur.” John grinned, leaning over to give Jamie a kiss.

“Any more of that and ye can walk tae the Fort, boy.” Jamie raised a brow.

“Oh, sorry… taxi driver.” John beamed, deliberately trying to see if Jamie would follow up with is threat.

Jamie just scoffed and pulled away, driving towards the Fort for the celebratory McDonalds. It seemed to be an unspoken tradition; you pass your test, get a car and go to McDonalds. Neither cared, they both had a craving for chicken mcnuggets.

Jamie and John walked into McDonalds hand in hand, ignoring everyone around them. Being the dutiful boyfriend, and as a compromise for Jamie driving, John ordered and paid for their meals. Behind them, they had heard sniggers from a group of young teenagers, clearly only in their first or second year of high school.

“Look at the gay boys,” one sniggered.

“I don’t know how they could actually go out in public, it’s bad enough seeing them at school.” Another snided.

John could clearly see how uncomfortable Jamie was getting. Jamie’s fingers curled into a fist, his anger and discomfort becoming clear.

“Jamie,” John whispered, “don’t listen to them. Everything will be fine.”

The teenagers behind them kept sniggering, cracking jokes and had even began throwing chips at them, finding it funny that Jamie was clearly getting uncomfortable.

Jamie snapped, this was something he could barely deal with.

“Listen here you little fucking shits,” he roared,

“Jamie!” John grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back, “they’re not worth it!”

Jamie pulled his arm away from John’s grip and stormed out of the building, quickly trying to unlock his car, tears filling his eyes. This was the first time he had experienced any homophobia, he had been fairly lucky up until now. He knew they weren’t worth his hurting, he knew they were just young and were trying to get a reaction and they got it. Jamie couldn’t help but shout at them. John had followed after him, McDonald’s in hand. John climbed into the car, putting their drinks down in the cupholder.

“Jamie, you know we’re going to face more of these issues, yeah? You can’t fly off the handle at everyone.”

“But they kept calling us names, jeering at us and makin’ me feel less eh a man.” Jamie looked at him, “they looked at us and saw gay. I’m not gay, John and I wish people wouldn’t just assume ah am.” He mumbled.

“Well get used to it, Jamie, people see two men holding hands and kissing and they assume gay, doesn’t matter if you are or not.”

“But, John, I’m not gay! I like women, I like them a lot!”

“Then why are you with me then? If you like women so much? Am I just your gay phase?”

“No!”

“Then what am I, Fraser?”

Jamie looked at John, tears in his eyes, he still looked really angry, but that was softening as he looked at John.

“My boyfriend, the only man for me.” He whispered.

John sighed, leaning over to pull Jamie into a cuddle. Carefully, he stroked through Jamie’s curls, soothing him a little bit.

“I know you’re not gay, Jamie, I know you’re still trying to get used to all of this, but please know that I do love you. I love you with all of my heart. But we’re going to see this a lot, people aren’t as tolerate as they make out to be and we just have to rise above it and show that we don’t care because we have each other. Okay?”

Jamie nodded weakly, leaning up and wiping his face. Silently, he turned the ignition of his car and drove away from the Fort.

Jamie drove back to Musselburgh, praying that his family weren’t home to see him like this. John had stayed silent in the car, just allowing Jamie to drive, allowing him to come to terms with what happened in McDonald’s. When Jamie pulled up, he helped John out the car with their food and led him inside and up to his room. They ate their food in silence, both pretty thankful that everyone was still out. Once they had finished eating, Jamie leant down to kiss John carefully.

“I love you too.” Jamie muttered between breaths, carefully cuddling into John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheeky wee chapter for you all! I did struggle getting this started, but once I got into it, it was easy enough! 
> 
> The song lyrics that are in chapter titles are; 
> 
> I Kissed A Boy - Jupither  
> A Daydream Away - All Time Low   
> Same Love feat Mary Lambert - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis 
> 
> I'll hopefully update soon, but I think it might be about a year time skip. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Jem x


	4. I don’t wanna think about it, I want you to love me now

**_May 2011_ **

 

“Jamie,” John cleared his throat, “what are your plans for pride?”

 

Jamie looked up from his coursework and shrugged. He hadn’t really thought about pride. It just didn’t seem like something that he would go to, particularly as he still wasn’t sure on his sexuality or if he’d fit in at all.

 

“Well, am no sure. Why?”

 

John shrugged a little, smiling softly.

 

“Just thought it would be nice to go, I think you’d enjoy it.”

 

“Aye? Well we could see.” Jamie paused, moving to write more of his essay. After a while, he looked up at John again, “when is it?”

 

“Uhm. Next Saturday.” John smiled weakly.

 

Jamie sat back in his chair, considering it for a moment before nodding slowly. Jamie agreed to go, knowing it would mean a lot to John for him to go into town and celebrate Pride festival with him. Jamie felt his nerves come to a head, thinking about flaunting his sexuality in public. But he loved John, so he knew he would just have to get over it.

 

John put his head back down and continued to write the essay. As they both worked, John kept glancing up at his boyfriend, something was troubling him but it must have been something he didn’t want John knowing about. It wasn’t hard to figure out what was bugging him, he hadn’t been as public with his emotions as of late, he’d barely held John’s hands at school or while walking about out with their respective homes or in the street. So clearly, Jamie was having a wave of uncertainty. Something that John just had to let him get on with, he couldn’t push him into saying anything. He’ll leave it for now and hope Jamie would say something.

 

“Right,” John sighed out after a long while of studying, “I better get home.”

 

He closed his textbook and sat up straight, stretching out and yawning loudly. Jamie gave John a weak smile and stretched in his chair.

 

“That time already?” Jamie looked at the time on his phone, looking pleasantly surprised that it was 10pm.

 

“Yeah, mum’ll be wondering where I am. So best go,” John smiled and kissed Jamie’s temple, “I’ll see you on Monday. I love you.”

 

“Love you too.” Jamie smiled softly, standing up on his chair to lead John downstairs. At the front door, John gave Jamie a soft kiss. Carefully, Jamie reciprocated, placing a hand on the small of John’s back.

 

“Well, I best go. I’ll see you on Monday.”

 

“See you on Monday.” Jamie repeated, giving John another soft kiss. “Bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

Jamie closed the front door softly once John had left. He stood with his back against it letting out a long, deep exhale. His hands rubbed against his face as he exhaled. With a bit of a sulk, Jamie moved away from the door and begun climbing the stairs to get back into his room. He needed to back, because he was finally going home to Lallybroch for the weekend. This meant he could spend some time with his old friends, especially Ian. Oh how he missed just being a lad with Ian.

 

The next morning, his Mum had woken him up at 6am sharp, determined to get on the road to Inverness as soon as possible. They were all relieved to get back to Broch Mordha, even if it was just for a weekend. Jamie could see Ian, he could catch up properly for the first time since May. They could all see Jenny, who, still, resided at their family home of Lallybroch. Lallybroch was the family home that had been passed down from generation to generation, all the way back to the early 18th century when Clans still roamed the highlands.

 

Brian had never felt too much of an attachment to it, despite having been raised there his entire life. But when times were hard, especially when he had three young Bairns to look after, he needed to move back into it.

 

Once they had gotten back to Lallybroch, Jamie quickly sulked up to his old room and fell into his bed, allowing sleep to take over.

 

[John <3: Did you get to Lallybroch okay?xxx]

 

Jamie, once awake again, looked at John’s message and sighed out loudly.

 

[Jamie<3: Yeah, took us a bit longer to get here but we’re here and I’ve finally caught up with sleep x]

 

[John<3: Good xxx]

 

Jamie tossed his phone to the side and went off to find Ian, desperately needing some lad time with his best friend.

 

“Jamie!” Ian grinned, pulling him into a one armed hug, “how are ye doin’?”

 

“No bad.” Jamie smiled, still a little bit reserved.

 

“What’s buggin’ ye?” Ian lay back on his bed, moving the Xbox controlled out of the road for Jamie to sit down.

 

“Nothin’.” Jamie shrugged in reply.

 

“Don’t talk pish, has John been givin’ ye bother?”

 

“No,” Jamie said quickly, “I just,” he sighed, “I’m strugglin’ to get to grips wi’ it all. People are starting to talk and it’s buggin’ me.”

 

Ian shrugged a little.

 

“Do ye love him?”

 

“Aye, ah do.”

 

“Then why does it bother you what people are sayin’, Jamie?”

 

Jamie shrugged and sighed a little bit.

 

“Ah dunno, I guess I don’t like the fact people think am gay.”

 

“Well, yer no. Only the thoughts of yer family, friends and John matter, ah think.”

 

Jamie nodded, throwing himself back on Ian’s bed, sighing loudly.

 

“When did ye get so philosophical, Ian?”

 

“Ah dinnae Ken. It jus happens from time to time.” Ian laughed.

 

“Y’know he’s asked me to go to pride with him?”

 

“Doesn’t surprise me. Ye gonna go?”

 

Jamie sat wondering for a bit before slowly nodding.

 

“Aye,” he looked at Ian, “ah think ah will. It would be nice to support John.”

 

“Mind it’s for you too, yer queer whether ye like it or no, and you’ll be surrounded by other queer folk too.”

 

Jamie nodded.

 

For the rest of the weekend, Jamie and Ian mucked about like they did when they were younger. There were a total of three almost-hospital trips, and one broken vase due to their antics. But this was something the Frasers and the Murray’s were used to, for the pair acted like true bairns when they were together.

 

Despite it being late on Sunday night when they got home, Jamie had decided that he would go round to John’s. Once he got to John’s bedroom door, he let out a soft sight and walked in. He made his way to where John was sleeping and knelt next to his bed.

 

“John?”

 

John cracked one eye open, grumbling a little bit about the fact Jamie was there.

 

“John? Am here...”

 

“So now you want to speak to me?” He mumbled.

 

Jamie sighed, climbing over John and into his bed. He pulled him into a gentle spoon, wrapping his arms tightly around John’s waist. The redhead planted soft kisses below John’s ear, hoping he’d respond to that. John simply grumbled, wriggling about.

 

“Why don’t you go sulk somewhere else?” He grumbled more.

 

“Ah want to talk to ye, John.” Jamie rested his head on John’s pillow, “ah need tae apologise for bein’ distant recently.” He mumbled.

 

“You definitely need to apologise for that.” John mumbled, turning round to face his boyfriend, “Why have you been distant?”

 

Jamie sighed a little, eyes looking down towards the sheet.

 

“I heard people talking at school,” Jamie mumbled, “and it wasn’t exactly the nicest of things they were saying about us.”

 

John put his hand under Jamie’s chin, forcing his boyfriend to look at him.

 

“Listen to me, Fraser, just ignore them. They’re not worth it at all. We already had this discussion, after that McDonald’s trip, remember? You just need to hold your head high and remember I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Jamie kissed John softly, pulling him close to his body.

 

For the next week at school, Jamie tried to block out the bullies, desperately clinging onto the hope he had. He could cope with it, it’s just, he wasn’t used to being the one bullied. He was, believe it or not, the bully in a lot of situations. But that was in his past.

 

When Saturday finally came, Jamie looked at himself in John’s mirror, a soft gulp escaping his throat. Here it was. Pride festival. Jamie felt like fleeing, still petrified of being public sexuality.

 

“Jamie?” John smiled, “I’ve got something for you.”

 

John handed Jamie a bright red shirt, clearly he was meant to wear it today. Slowly, Jamie opened it out. A small smile featured on his face as he read it. John had gotten him the Stonewall shirt that read “SOME PEOPLE ARE BI. GET OVER IT.”, something that Jamie himself had to understand.

 

“Thanks, John.” He smiled.

 

“I got myself the gay one.” John grinned, sliding it over his head.

 

Jamie smiled too, sliding his shirt over his own head and wearing it with at least a little bit of pride.

 

The couple made their way into town, rainbows painted on each of their cheeks and John sporting a rainbow flag on his back. He had forced Jamie to wear the bisexual flag as a cape, really trying to make him feel special and proud to be bisexual.

 

“Remember, Jay, pride is a protest. You’re protesting the fact people assume you’re gay, you’re protesting the fact people expect you to be something you’re not. Remember, I love you.”

 

John pulled Jamie into a kiss, wrapping his arms around him tightly. This caused a nearby drag queen to whoop and cheer. Thankfully, this drag queen had also snapped a cute picture of the pair, happily sending it via message to them as soon as they could.

 

Once the parade had gotten underway, Jamie had felt more at ease. He proudly held John’s hand as he followed the float parade that blasted out many a gay anthem.

 

Pride was truly a protest and Jamie felt revolutionary at best.

 

John had fallen so much deeper in love with Jamie after seeing how open he was being and Jamie felt himself be more inclined to kiss John more publicly during the March.

 

For the first time in ages, Jamie felt happy and comfortable being out with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Love Me Now - John Legend
> 
> Let me know what you think, m’dears! 
> 
> Next chapter is going to be a difficult one - I’m introducing John’s grandad. Y’know the problem one...
> 
> Jem x


End file.
